preLIMINary

A little confusing but yea. Once again, I have two blogs, one dead and one barely alive. THIS is the dead one for now because damn LJ won't allow embedding of playlists on the journal itself. So yea, latest posts are on childofthedarknight.

Anyho, CNY was sucky this year and now, on the 4th day of Lunar New Year, I am rusticating in my mom's office. Does that suck or does that suck?

Gackt and Hyde are right. Miyavi really does need to be sent to rehab...
 

THIS just proves it...
 

Plus he is a kissing maniac and a danger to everyone around him.
 

That was mild. This is *digs eyes out with guilt because it is soo hawt*
 

But he is still so lovable so hurry up and sneak out of rehab Meevers!!!

(Credits to those who uploaded and made the videos...)

I have absolutely no idea why the other MOSSPians call O levels Oreos. I mean, Oreos taste nice and O levels are NOT NICE AT ALL. But whatever.

So today my dad brought me and mom out for breakfast and he was saying that I should rest in between studying. He told me about when he was in GSI. It was christmas and my dad and mom were preparing for their exam on Monday. So on Sunday, my mom was cramming away while my dad was ...SPRAY PAINTING HIS CHRISTMAS TREE.

Here my mom interjected that he was disturbing her cramming then and my dad retorted that she still got her diploma while he did not. So I asked him what happened to his diploma. Here's what my mom said in her ever blunt fashion.

"He lost it."

Well my dad told me that after studying so hard (can anyone sense sarcasm here?) for two years, he graduated, got his diploma, left the certificate on some table during their celebration dinner and came back to find it gone A MERE TWO HOURS AFTER HE GOT IT. His theory is that its probably got mixed up with all the rubbish and got dumped.



I wonder if that will ever happen to me... (probably but I sure hope not.)

So, day after double math paper day and my beloved little sister's birthday. I suddenly feel like double posting all my entries from now onwards on childofthedarknight because blogspot allows embedding of playlists. Yeah...

Well let's backtrack a little to Thursday when we had my sister's early birthday dinner. Dad had a meeting with a customer yesterday night to the dinner was brought forward.

We ate at Aston's prime and a whole series of really funny and crazy stuff that runs in the family happened.

First off, my mom was looking through the menu and she was asking the waiter about the different types of pasta they had. The guy was really helpful and told my mom all about the pastas on the menu. Then my mom, who was looking through the other pages of the menu said to no one in particular, "I don't know much about pasta. I don't like pasta." 

Later, my mom was looking for her glasses because she took them off to read the menu. So, Dad and me began to look all around our table very enthusiastically  for the said glasses when they were hanging on my mom's shirt. Before that, she had placed her glasses on her head to read the directory and the same thing happened: she couldn't find them.

My dad just bought a new watch recently so he spent the dinner admiring his watch but mom, sis and me were pretty much 'whatever'. He kept asking us to cooperate and admire his watch so my mom glanced at the watch and said that it was very nice and that if he kept on like that, the watch might just stop. Then she did a second take at the watch. "Really not moving eh.." My dad spent some time examining his watch all distressed before he put his wrist to his ear, "No heartbeat leh."

I think my mom did the closest thing to ROFLMAO I ever saw her do. She nearly sprayed my dad with the water she had been drinking. And so, mom me and sis spent like 5 min convulsing silently with laughter (we all laugh without sound. A bit like vibrating) while my dad guffawed at the expression my mom had. (Actually the hand that my mom thought was the second hand was the stopwatch hand so it WASN'T supposed to be moving. My dad is a good actor.)


What can I say, insanity runs in the family.

Kk peeps. I just thought of this last night.

I love my mom and my sis. They're like the most important people in the world to me. But it not the love 'LOVE' I was talking about the post like below. Because they're family. 
 
I love my mom to bits because she loves me too and she's like always there for me, trying to be the best mother in the world for me and my sis and often berating herself for her flaws even though I think she's the best mom in the UNIVERSE.

My sis is just so cute and adorable and I simply love her. I'm supposed to be the big sister and protect her and guide her and everything. GYAAAAAH she is just too glompable. And I will personally eviscerate any guy who approaches her with ulterior motives and stuff them up his urethra.

BUT. I am still selfish. If things come to a head, I would probably still put myself first. Maybe when I have my own kids, I will put their interests first. IF I even have kids.





Let's talk about today.

Chemistry paper 2.

I FELT SO CHEATED!!!! AND THERE I WAS WORRYING ABOUT THE PAPER, IF IT WAS GOING TO BE AS HARD AS MY SCHOOL'S PAPER, I'D DEFINITELY GET A C AND it was so much easier...

Damn I hate my school.

Okay... after two weeks of cooping myself at home with 80% Perfect World, 19% pr0n and 1% study, without msn or blogging and going to other peep's blogs, I AM SERIOUSLY MISSING OUT ON ALOT OF THINGS!

First off, I wanna welcome Kwang into the MIYAVI fandom which include me and me and me.

And the rest, I'm still seriously out of touch with the rest of the world so do inform me of anything you think I don't know.

I get really really high when I am seriously stressed out. And someone said that this behavior was running away from whatever problem you have.

I haven't studied much for the past fortnight, I'm always thinking 'later', I'm always doing other things I am not supposed to do like playing Perfect World (although I've gotten pretty much sick of it already.) and my pr0n.

Is the above behavior running away or running away?

And I hate it when people say I can afford to slack or that I'm a closet mugger. Because
 
(a) I CAN'T afford to slack but am slacking anyway.

(b) I am genetically incapable of studying a week in advance.

The result of (a)(b) is less than ideal result for the stupid Os.

Plus, my body's gone all wonky from the stress. MY FACE IS FLAKING! ITS ITCHY AND PAINFUL AND I CAN'T SLEEP. AND MY THEATRE OF THE MIND IS LATE.

Please be 13 of Nov already...

I know I haven't blogged in forever but I felt like posting this after a heart to heart talk I had with the two most important people in my life just now, my mom and my sis.

I feel that this is one of my character flaws and perhaps I simply lack the emotional capacity to do this. 'This' is something I have found out about myself in the past sixteen years of my life, a short yet interminably long period of time, and that is that I can't seem to find it in me to seriously love someone.

I use the word 'LOVE' here and not like. I told a close friend about this once and asked her how it was like to like someone so much. I know I can be a little bimbotic at times and I go around telling MOSSPians that 'I LABBA YOUUU CHUUU' with that signature inane behavior of mine but frankly, I don't know what love is.

I know that many people don't know this emotion either and maybe I'm too young to be thinking of this right now but I want to confront this, this .... THING that I have sub-consciously thought about. People I meet and interact with seem to be lacking this emotion. I see people who are happily married but not in LOVE. This ancient and volatile thing that is so powerful yet elusive seems to me, from what I have seen from others around me, a luxury and not a necessity. And this fact scares me because I thought that love would be something first on a person's list; that they value.

We started talking about this because some guys have confessed to my beloved little sister (I KNEW it was a bad idea for her to go to a mixed school) and she was feeling confused. So my mother asked me which would I prefer, to love or to be loved. The practical side of me thinks that to be loved would be better. That a life with someone who cannot live without you but you can live without would be a more secure life in this uncertain world and would save you from getting hurt but the more emotional part of me think that it would be far better to love than to be loved.

Because to love is something I want to be able to do somewhere in the near future. Because being loved would make me feel miserable from guilt and unrequited love on that person's side if I didn't return his feelings. I think that is an enormous emotional burden that I do not want to carry. And I want to experience this feeling that compels people to give up all that they hold dear, even their own lives, for that loved one's happiness. This selfless and pure emotion that I can't find in myself. It is a torture to love in silence but I want to know that I can find it in myself to actually love. Because to love someone or even something that selflessly once, just once in my life is something that is important, and currently impossible, to me.

Couldn't bring myself to blog yesterday about horrible papers.

Yesterday was A math paper 2 and E math paper 1. I kena the wobbly table so I fished out my yellow booking slips from term 2 and my green booking slip from last term, folded them until they were sufficiently thick to suit my purposes and stuffed them under the table leg.

Wasn't really thick enough so I was thinking that maybe I should have broken more rules and collected more booking slips.


FUCK the stupid fan man... It wasn't too bad for e math cuz all the papers were stapled together but we had to take 15 bloody sheets of foolscap paper for A math. My papers were flying all over the table and cuz the teacher emptied my mathematical set on the table, I couldn't use it as a paper weight.

So, one calculator to hold down one set, one hand to hold down the other set while I'm using the other calculator with my other hand, what about the last set? Nothing else to hold it down already. So boh pian lor, use my chin.
It was super retarded I tell you. Then I got fed up, stuffed all the sets together and nearly died trying to separate them in order later... Last few minutes, I gave up all together on trying to do the last few questions, tried to sort out the papers, two got blown clean off the table, teacher retrieved them, handed up the killer paper and the worst paper of the year was officially over.

Depression made me freaking high and I overdosed later on my pr0n and Hershey's caramel sticks...

Note: So much for centre of Excellence for english. I heard the teacher say, "...15 min early for your papel..." "...don't want to hear anything from your maws..." And said teacher was an English teacher. Quoting Kwang, "WHAT centre of excellence?"

My hand is so overworked... so much so that my left hand feels useless compared to my aching right hand. Its kind of weird seeing as I just told my sis last night she was lucky I pretended to punch her with my right hand. Because I have more control over my right hand and my left hand is stronger than my right. So if I had pretended to punch her with my left, she might be hit pretty badly.


Actually, this was so totally random. YOSH! Pr0n time!!!